Boss: "This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?" Me: "That it's only Wednesday."

 60

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Q: What does a plumber need to know about his job? A: Sh*t runs downhill and payday is on Friday.

 167

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Advice for office managers: Keep the sexual harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer. That way, when she goes to get one you'll get a great view of her arse.

 161

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What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A lawn moo-er.

 133

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The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.” Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, “I’m glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us.”

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