Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."

 339

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If you write the Death Note on Chuck Norris, the Death Note dies.

 201

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Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

 259

0  

Someone call CSI. I just killed my workout.

 812

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A boxer had written on his tombstone: "You can stop counting. I'm not getting up."

 256

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