Chuck Norris can kill with blank bullets.

The phrase "I am become death, destroyer of worlds" was actually first coined by Chuck Norris when he came out of the womb.

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck," the other added.

How are a lawyer and a prostitute different? The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.

What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways? "Dead."