I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?" I said "Because he didn't die in real life"
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Once there were three men, Dave, John, and Sam, who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died. As they stood at the gates of heaven St. Peter came up to them and said, "You will all be given a method of transportation for your eternal use around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly." St. Peter looked at Dave and said, "You, Dave, were a bad man. You cheated on your wife four times! For this, you will drive around Heaven in an old beat up Dodge." Next St. Peter looked at John and said, "You, were not so evil, bu ... read more
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Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.
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Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? A: Because his wife died.
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Chuck Norris knows how to kill you in more ways than you know how to die.
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