James Bond's license to kill was approved by Chuck Norris.

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Three men were in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said, "I died in a car accident." The second man said, "I died by drowning." The third man said, "I died of seenus." The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?" The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!"

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Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."

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It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured. It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.

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Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide? He got himself into a real stew.

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