Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

 897

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Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."

 346

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Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.

 270

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Chuck Norris killed the devil and is selling his own line of Picks of Destiny, available in all Chuck Norris approved guitar shops.

 275

1  

Ghosts are created when Chuck Norris kills people to fast for the grim reaper to prosses.

 194

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