Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!
 232
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The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
 257
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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write with."
 491
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Q: How did the wanna-be-hipster die? A: Trying to cross the mainstream!
 848
1  

When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook, you die.
 390
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