Q: What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man who shot himself 15 times?
A: The worst suicide case he has ever seen.
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A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
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Chuck Norris dosen't need to stand on top of the empire state building to kill someone with a penny.
