Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is ... read more

How many dead babies does it take to change a tire? Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

A boxer had written on his tombstone: "You can stop counting. I'm not getting up."