The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a ... read more

Chuck Norris knows how to kill you in more ways than you know how to die.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

Chuck Norris invented the spoon because it's too easy to kill someone with a knife or fork.