Chuck Norris never dies. And of course, he will also never fade away.

Roses are red tulips are black. You'd look great with a knife in your back.

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really har ... read more

Chuck Norris once strangled a man with the mans own eyelash.

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.