I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.

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Yo mama is so fat that when she died jesus couldn't lift her soul to heaven.

 803

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Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? A: Hey y'all... Watch this!

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Chuck Norris can kill a man in 52 different ways using only a ballpoint pen.

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During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him. Teacher asks, "Johnny, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body." Little Johnny after thinking for a while says, "I saw a dead body cycling to school."

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