Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.

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The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that's your pa in there."

 1949

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The list of names at the end of every Chuck Norris film is the list of people he's killed.

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Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice.

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When Chuck Norris tries to kill himself, he always dodges the killing blow 'cause he's that awesome.

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