What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times? Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

The phrase "I am become death, destroyer of worlds" was actually first coined by Chuck Norris when he came out of the womb.

Charlie Sheen is a drug, it will melt your face and kill you. Chuck Norris had two 8-Balls of Sheen and is now suing for false advertising.

There were these two bums and they were hungry when they came across road kill. The first bum went down to eat it when he looked up at his friend and said, "Oh I'm sorry, would you like some?" He replied, "No I think I'll wait." So they continue down the road and the first bum said, "Look - some more road kill, I'm still hungry. How about you?" His friend replied, "No, not yet, I think I'll wait." The first bum ate the road kill. Shortly after, his eyes rolled back and he puked the whole thing back up on the street. Seconds later, his friend dove in and ate every last slickery drop o ... read more

When Death knocked on Chuck Norris’s door, Chuck Norris laughed. Death is now Chuck Norris’s B*tch.