Q: What's the difference between death and taxes? A: Congress doesn't meet every year to make death worse.
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A Liberal found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Republican.
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How has Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most niggers? He promised to create jobs for them if elected.
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The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.
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Chuck Norris was asked if he would be running for President, after a chuckle, he stated, nothing makes him run.
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