Chuck Norris wins every political campaign, but politely declines the jobs.

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Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

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When Teddy Rosavelt said there is nothing to fear but fear itself he obiously hadn't met Chuck Norris.

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Your mama's so fat the government forced her to wear tailights and blinkers so no one else would get hurt.

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Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.

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