Q: What is the difference between Election day and Thanksgiving day?
A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day; on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.
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The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day.
Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.
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When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.
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Yo mama's so fat that even Barack Obama couldn't afford to take her out to dinner.
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Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans?
A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.
