The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.

Bill Clinton walks out on to his front porch, and written in urine was "The president must go." Bill Clinton storms into his office and demaned to know who did it. So his two body guards run out to find out who it was. Five hours later the two gaurds come back in, they told Bill, "We have some bad news, and we have worse news." "What is the bad news?" asked Bill. "Well, the bad news is, we took a urine test, and it was his vice-president, Al Gore." "Whats the worst news?" asked Bill. "The worst news is that it is Hillary's hand writing!"

The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.

I once meet a honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country. Then I woke up.

What did Barack Obama become after his forty-seventh year? "Forty-eight years old."