I once meet a honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country. Then I woke up.

Religion is a lot more like politics. The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.

During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton and Representative Condit had brought about the need for an eleventh commandment. They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."

Q: What is the difference between Election day and Thanksgiving day? A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day; on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.

Q: What do you call a Republican politician who hasn't been connected to a gay sex scandal? A: Due.