A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as quickly as he can. The bartender asks, "my goodness, why are you drinking so fast?' The guy replies, "You would be drinking just as fast if you had what I have." The bartender looks at him curiously and says, "What do you have?" The guy responds, "Only one Dollar."

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"Didja hear the news?" asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon. "Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him!" "Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!"

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My wife asked if I would give it to her "doggy style." So I took a dump on the floor and chewed up her shoes.

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A ham sandwich walked into a bar and the bartender said: "We don't sell to ham sandwiches." But the sandwich replied: "That's okay, I only want a beer."

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A length of rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says "get out, we don't serve ropes in here!" The rope goes outside and cuts himself in half and ties his two sections together. Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says "hey, aren't you that rope I just kicked out?" And the rope replied "no, I'm a frayed knot."

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