If I wanted to hear from an a**hole I would fart.

Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence. Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green." The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall." The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors." From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, ... read more

Yo' Mama is so nasty, her farts are classified as biological weapons.

I farted in a room of hipsters and I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.

What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!