Q: What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar? A: A love call.

If I wanted to hear from an a**hole I would fart.

Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.

Why should you only put 239 beans in bean soup? Cuz one more will make it "too farty!"

Once upon a time there were these two bums walking down the railroad tracks, and the first bum, Fred, thought he smelled a nasty old smell. He asked his companion, Jeff, ''Did you s**t your pants?'' "Hell no," Jeff said. They walked a few more miles and the smell got worse. "Did you s**t your pants, Jeff?" "I swear to the God almighty I did not s**t my pants," Jeff said. So they walk three more miles and the smell gets just horrible. Fred runs over and pulls down Jeff's pants and says, "I thought you said you didn't s**t your pants?!" "I didn't." Jeff said. "They're your pants."