Three kids were smoking behind the shed. "My dad can blow smoke through his nose!" boasted the first. "Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy. "That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies."

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems okay but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again, she seems okay but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning ... read more

Depending on the circumstances, Chuck Norris will decide whether or not his farts will stink. If he chooses to have them stink, he will then also determine the appropriate percentage level of rankness delivered based on the demographics of the attending audience.

Q. How do you know when you are getting old? A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

regular ass (_!_) fat ass (__!__) tight ass (!) flat ass (_._) bubble ass (_^_) sore ass (_*_) lop-sided ass (_!__) swishy ass {_!_} surprised ass (_o_) ass that's been around (_O_) kiss my ass (_x_) leave my ass alone (_X_) tired ass (_zzz_) wise ass (_o^o_) unlucky ass (_13_) money out the ass (_$_) dumb ass (_?_)