A man farts in bed next to his wife. His wife asks, "What in the world was that?" He replies, "Touchdown. I'm winning, seven nothing." She decides to get even, so she lets one loose. He yells at her, "What was that?" She replies, "Touchdown, tie score." He wants to get her back, but he tries so hard he sh*ts in bed. The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?" He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."

 486

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Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.

 408

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Yo mama is so old, that when she farts all that comes out is dust.

 432

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Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.

 1409

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I farted in a room of hipsters and I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.

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