Father: "You've got 4 D's and a C on your report." Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject..."

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What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says ‘chew chew chew’.

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The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother: “What did you learn today?” Kid: “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.”

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An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, “The parrot I purchased uses improper language.” “I’m surprised,” said the owner. “I’ve never taught that bird to swear.” “Oh, it isn’t that,” explained the professor. “But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive.”

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Billy and Willy were at Sunday school studying about Noah’s ark. On the way home, Willy asked, “Do you think Noah did much fishing?” “How could he?” said Billy. “He only had two worms”. The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student’s neighbor, “Hey wake that student up!” The neighbor yells back, “You put him to sleep, you wake him up!”

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