The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, “What do you like best about it, class? Let’s start with you, Robert.” Robert: “The artwork.” Teacher: “Very good. And you, Peter?” Peter: “Her tits!” Teacher: “Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall! And you, Johnny?” Johnny: “I’m leaving, teacher, I’m leaving…”

When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom? Because there are no pupils to see!

Little Johnny came home from school one day slightly confused. His mother was Jewish and his father was Hispanic. So Johnny says, "Mum, am I more Jewish or more Hispanic?" "What does it really matter? You’ll just have to ask your father", his mother tells him. So Johnny’s father gets home from work and Johnny asks the same question, "Dad, am I more Jewish or more Hispanic?" "What kind of a question is that, does it really matter? Why do you want to know if you’re more Jewish or more Hispanic?" asks his dad. "Well, it’s like this dad. Tommy down the street wants to sell his bicycle for ... read more

Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be? Fred: None! Fred (surprised): Why not? Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!

Teacher: "In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?" Pupil: "Holding up the telegraph lines!"