One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, "There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything." After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same. After hesitating, they all did it. "Next," the professor said, "you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger."

Peter: What’s the difference between a teacher and a train? Ted: What? Peter: A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!”

Teacher: Daniel, I’ve had to send you to the principal every day this week. What do you have to say for yourself? Daniel: I’m glad it’s Friday!

Hunter: What has given Mr. Bubbles nightmares since elementary school? Josh: Beats me. Hunter: Pop quizzes!

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a doctor!" Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!" Little Johnny stood up and said, "My dad is a piano player in a whorehouse!" The teacher couldn't believe what she's had just heard, so she made a point of calling Little Johnny's father that evening to discuss the situation. Little Johnny's father explained, "Actually, I'm a law attorney, but how am I supposed to explain that to a seven year old kid!"