Little Johnny returns from school and says: "Mam, in school we write dirty swear-words so often!" "But I hope you are not writing them, my son." "No, I'm dictating them!"

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12  

Teacher: "I wished you would pay a little attention." Pupil: "I'm paying as little as I can!"

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A schoolteacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Home Secretary said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

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Get bad marks, relatives will insult you. Get good marks, friends will insult you.

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1  

A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?" He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match." But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?" He answered, "Because there was extra time."

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