Why don't lobsters share? They re shellfish.

What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole. The next door neighbor saw him and asked; "Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?" "My goldfish died, and I have to bury it." "Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?" "Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your stupid cat!"

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."

Q: Why do fish live in to the salt water? A: For the reason that pepper makes them sneeze!