A man brings his cat to a veterinarian. He lives the cat there and returns in two days, as preagreed. He asks the veterinarian: Is my cat still alive? Still not...

Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.

One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE." The policeman arrested her on the spot.

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts." They all broke out into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home te ... read more

A boy asks his mother for breakfast. She says, "Not until you feed the animals." The boy goes outside and says to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicks the chicken. He does the same with the cow and the pig. The boy goes back into the house and tells his mother that he's hungry. His mother says, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow, so you're not getting any milk, and I saw kick the pig, so you're not getting any bacon." Just then the boy's father walks down the steps, trips and kicks the cat. The boy says, " ... read more