Q: What is worst than raining black cats and bloodhounds? A: Hailing taxi cabs!

How do you know if an Asian robbed you? Your homework is done and cats gone.

How do you make a cat be a dog? Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match. It will go 'WOOF.'

Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: "Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?" "Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves." "You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!" "Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?" "I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk!" "Help me please, please help!"