I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it.

 566

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Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.

 449

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How do you know if an Asian robbed you? Your homework is done and cats gone.

 1196

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How do you make a cat be a dog? Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match. It will go 'WOOF.'

 781

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A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."

 670

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