So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?" Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun." God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations." The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan." "Michael," God says, "do you see how whit ... read more

Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married. "Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back." Six months pass and Peter returns. "Yes, we can do this for you." The couple asks, "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?" To which St. Peter answers, "It took me six months to find a priest up here how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?"

Jeff and Mike are in a car accident and both die. Upon Jeff's arrival at the Pearly Gates, he is met by St. Peter. "Where is my friend Mike?" Jeff asked. St. Peter replies, "Well, Mike was not as fortunate as you. He went in the other direction instead of getting into Heaven." Jeff was bothered by this and asked, "Well, could I see Mike one more time just to be sure he is OK?" So, Jeff and St. Peter walked over to the edge of Heaven and looked down. There was Mike, on a sandy beach, with a gorgeous blonde in a bikini, and also with keg of beer. "I don't mean to complain, but Mike seems ... read more

Are you lost, ma'am? Because Heaven's a long way from here.

Three highly decorated police officers die in a wild shoot out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven. God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I was the bravest cop on the force." The second police officer says, "I would like to hear that I was a terrific cop who died in the line of duty." The last cop replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!"