Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven. The angel said "Unfortunately, there’s only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted." The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity." The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Quee ... read more

Jimmy's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Jimmy." Jimmy says, "Now! I can see why they threw him out!

A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms. The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light. They came to the Lawyer's room. It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar. The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!" St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawye ... read more

A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off. The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decides to make an example of him. He says to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a place in heaven, please stand." The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man. Then the preacher says even more loudly, "And he who would like to find a place in hell please stand up!" The w ... read more

An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. "What sort of accountant were you?" "Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply. "Name?" asks St. Pete. The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file. "Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span." The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old." Pete looks again at the file and says, "Well, that's impossible." "Why do you say that?" asks the accountant. "Well ... read more