What does a man call true love? An erection.

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Q:What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama? A:Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears and Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.

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My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess." "Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright." "No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"

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A man bought a new car. Next day he is driving his car to office. On the way he was waiting for the Signal. Suddenly he opened the door and got down. Then he went to the Traffic Police and asked him, "How much should I pay to turn right?" The Policeman was astonished and asked, "Why are you asking like this?" Then man showed him the sign board which was in the corner of the road: "Free Left Turn"

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A man in a pub asks for a beer. The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar." "One dollar?" exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?" "Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars." "Two dollars?" cries the man. "You're joking. Where's the guy who owns this place?" The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife"." The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."

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