Q. Why do men name their penises? A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
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I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
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A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.
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Men are like... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
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Do you know why bankers are good lovers? They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
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