How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
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Question: Why do men fart more than women?
Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
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Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
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A man is talking to God.
"God, how long is a million years?"
God answers, "To me, it's about a minute."
"God, how much is a million dollars?"
"To me, it's a penny."
"God, may I have a penny?"
"Wait a minute."
