What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin.

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What's the difference between a man and a messy room? You can straighten up a messy room.

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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

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Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.

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Adam goes to God and says, "I would like a mate to please me and make living joyful. She should be beautiful and perfect in every way. God says, "I can do that, but it will cost you a testicle, a kidney, and one eye." To which Adam replied, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"

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