What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q: How do you make a dog go ‘miaow’? A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. "Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?" "Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, I get to punch you in the nose." "Okay," says the guy. He turns to his dog. "Okay fella. Tell me -- what is on top of your doghouse?" "Roof!" The man turns and smiles at the bartender. "THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!" "Okay boy. Tell me -- how does sandpaper feel?" "Ruff!" "What are you tryin' to pull, mister?" "Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please. Okay ... read more

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A: Wet noses.