Question: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? Answer: The dog, because he’ll shut up after you let him in.

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What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road? The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.

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One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”

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Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.

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What do you call a person in china who doesn't eat dog? A tourist.

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