Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess." So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there ... read more

A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please". The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!" The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"

I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him. That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle.

"Does your dog bite?" "No." (Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him) "Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" "That is not my dog."