My boss doesn't believe money equals happiness. So instead of raises, he gives us Prozac.

Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team. "I blame the general manager," said the first fan. "If he signed better players, we'd be a great team." "I blame the players," said the 
second fan. "If they made more of 
an effort, we'd score some points." "I blame my parents," said the third. "If I'd been born in Seattle, 
I'd be supporting a decent team."

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done." She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, "what happened?" She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!"

A businessman was interviewing job applications for the position of manager of a large division. He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?" The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was, "Twenty-two". The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it." The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and came up with an answer "somewhere between 3.999 and 4.001." Next came an attorney. ... read more

The main distinction between a boss and the Pope is the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.