Office executive "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?" Boss "Certainly not!" Office executive "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."

 2040

1  

Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law." The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."

 853

0  

I was at a magic show, when after one particularly amazing trick, someone screamed out, "wow, how did you do that." I would tell you", answered the magician predictably, "but then I'd have to kill you." After a moments pause the same voice screamed out "can you tell my mother in law?"

 968

0  

What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.

 835

0  

10 things men don't say 1)Let's watch Lifetime. 2)Sex is overrated. 3)I don't want to go too far on the first date. 4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you. 5)Don't we owe your mother a visit? 6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down. 7)Dessert goes right to my hips. 8)I hate when I miss Oprah. 9)Does this suit make me look fat? 10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.

 931

0