Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

 579

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An exhausted hunter out in the woods stumbled across another hunter. Hunter 1: "Am I glad to see you, I've been lost for three days." Hunter 2: "Don't get too excited, friend, I've been lost for three weeks."

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Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump. "Well, go in the bushes." "What should I use to wipe my ass?" "Use a dollar bill." A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands. "What happened?" asks his friend. "I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."

 573

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Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter? It sure gave them something to chew over.

 434

3  

A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."

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