Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. When an old Grandpa walked by. And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.” The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.” One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.” Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they ... read more

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he foun ... read more

A man had a party where all the rich people attend. And the he had a pool with alligators. So he announced that anyone who will swim across this pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes. But no one wanted to go for the challenge. All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like a hell and came out alive. So the host asked, "What are your three wishes?" The man replied, "Give me the shotgun and bulllets and show me the idiot that pushed me in..."

Teen Girl to Friend: "For the prom, I'm renting a limo, spending $500 on a new dress and bringing in the best makeup artist in the state to do my hair." Teacher who has overheard the conversation: "Wow, that's more than I spent for my wedding!" Teen Girl: "Yeah, well you can get married three or four times, but a prom is a once in a lifetime experience."

Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night. The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks." The second guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch." The third guy says, "I was so drunk last night, I took a prostitute home to my wife." The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"