A man was complaining to a railroad engineer. What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late. The railroad engineer replied. How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?

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A teacher is talking to a student. Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework? Student: No, he did it all by himself.

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I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead I bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car. When I got home explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me. But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried especially me, Because the car was from the electricity company, they were there to cut off the electricity. My dad beat the crap out of me again.

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The legal age for voting is 18 years and the legal age for marriage is 21 years. Which means you need more experience to handle a girl than a country.

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I was in a cab today and the cab driver said, “I love my job, I’m my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do.” Then I said, “Turn Left”.

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