A teacher is talking to a student. Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework? Student: No, he did it all by himself.

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Mom: Do you think I’m a bad mom Jimmy? Son: Mom, my name is Jack!

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Once all the engineering professors were sitting in one plane. Before the takeoff, one announcement came “This plane is made by your students” Then all professors stood up, ran and went outside. But the principal was sitting. One guy came and asked, “are you not afraid”? Then the principal replied “I trust my students very well and I am sure the plane won’t even start”.

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My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day. He just kept whispering “yang qi guan” over and over and then died. I was very sad and Googled his last message after the burial. Apparently, it means “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”.

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Wife: Look at that drunk guy Husband: Who is he? Wife: 10 years ago he proposed me and I rejected him Husband: Oh my God. He is still celebrating.

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