Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

 639

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Q: What's the ultimate rejection? A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

 526

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Sue and Sally were discussing their sex lives. Sue said, "Mine's OK. We get it on every week, but it's no big adventure. How's yours?" Sally replied, "It's great ever since we got into S&M." Sue was surprised. "Really, Sally, I never would have guessed that you'd go for that." "Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."

 516

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What’s red, black, red, black, red, black, red and white? A nigger that’s masturbating himself!

 565

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What do you call a truck full of dildos? Toys for Twats.

 803

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