A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked.
"You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says.
"Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?"
The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
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Having sex is like playing bridge.
If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
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How is a soyburger like a dildo?
They're both substitutes for meat.
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While talking to girl:
"Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?"
"No, what?"
"Yea, I figured you were in the first group."
