Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.

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Yo' mama so fat, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!

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Q: What's the ultimate rejection? A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

 552

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How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.

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A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."

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