Q: What do you call a teenage girl who doesn't masturbate? A: Liar.

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Q: How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? A: Tell them you can't cum.

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Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.

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Dan staggers into the shower. He notices that his d**k is bright orange. He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?" Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch porno movies and eat Cheetos."

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Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildo came with jumper cables.

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