What do you call a truck full of dildos? Toys for Twats.

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A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."

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Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.

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Q: How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? A: Tell them you can't cum.

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"Mr. Ben, I am asking for your daughter's hand." "Why? I don't get it, don't you have a hand?" "I do sir, but I'm sick and tired with my own hand sir!"

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