Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Q: What's the ultimate rejection? A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

I met a girl who used masturbate to 2 girls 1 cup. And that kids, is how j met your mother.

A businessman was about to go on a long business trip, and was worried that his wife would cheat on him while he was gone. So to prevent this, he visited the local sex shop in order to buy his wife a vibrator to keep her occupied in his absence. After examining the products, he hadn't found an appropriately amazing vibrator and asked the store clerk for help. The store clerk recommended the "Voodoo D**k." "How does it work?" asked the businessman. The clerk unwrapped the Voodoo D**k from its ceremonial tiki box and said to it, "Voodoo D**k that door." The vibrator flew out of the box ... read more

A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."