A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."

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Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.

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An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?" "Yes, ma'am." "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "How do you turn them off?"

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I met a girl who used masturbate to 2 girls 1 cup. And that kids, is how j met your mother.

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What do you call a truck full of dildos? Toys for Twats.

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