Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."

I met a girl who used masturbate to 2 girls 1 cup. And that kids, is how j met your mother.

Q: What's the ultimate rejection? A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

A cowboy rides in the desert and comes upon a Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?" The naked man replies, "I'm finding out the time -- it is 12:15." The cowboy looks at his watch and thinks, "Wow, it really is 12:15." The cowboy continues and sees another Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?" The naked man replies, "I'm seeing what time it is -- it is 3:15." The cowboy looks at his watch and that is the correct time. The cowboy continues and finds a third Native American lying naked on the ground, masturbating. ... read more

How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.