Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes. Morris shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey! Is dat you? Come on ova' here a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car. Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at dis here work. I also open hearts, take valves ... read more

A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables. He sets em down on the bar. And then the bartender said "Now dont you start anything!"

This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."

Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?” Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”

Q: Why can't gays drive faster than 68mph? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.