My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.

It was the kindergarten teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift. The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers". "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She laughed and thanked him. The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy." "How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She again laughed and thanked him also. The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box which ... read more

Chuck Noris can make grapes from wine.

Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.