Why did the Mexican take Xanax? For hispanic attacks.

Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.

Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed. He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked. Little John ... read more

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.