As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
 2038
1  

Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
 2268
1  

Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
 1041
0  

Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"? A: BaNa2
 1046
0  

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
 1038
0