As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.

 1766

1  

Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!

 1359

2  

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe

 692

0  

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

 560

0  

Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? A: It went OK.

 895

0