A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it." The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
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Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
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Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"? A: BaNa2
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Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.
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