Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
 838
0  

Why did the Mexican take Xanax? For hispanic attacks.
 1347
0  

Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar? A: He got Avogadro's number!
 1939
5  

As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
 1911
1  

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe
 971
0