Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."

 869

0  

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

 1028

0  

An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?" "Sure. That's easy," said one man. "What is it?" "H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O." "What, what?" reasked the instructor. "H to O," explained the chemistry expert.

 885

1  

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

 896

0  

Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.

 2484

1