Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!
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As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
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Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe
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Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.
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Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed. He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked. Little John ... read more
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