Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
 941
0  

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it." The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
 2382
3  

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
 955
0  

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
 846
0  

As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
 1970
1