Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
 1825
1  

Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!
 1430
2  

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe
 799
0  

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
 815
0  

Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
 2242
1