Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.

 1825

1  

Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!

 1430

2  

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe

 799

0  

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

 815

0  

Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.

 2242

1