A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it." The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."

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An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?" "Sure. That's easy," said one man. "What is it?" "H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O." "What, what?" reasked the instructor. "H to O," explained the chemistry expert.

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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.

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Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

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Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.

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