Q: How do you know when you are stoned? A: When you are too phoned to stone home.

There are three moms. A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed" They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her. Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"

Yo mama so short when she smokes weed, she cant even get high.

Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? A: Drug Abuse.

Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school? A: Because they're all in high school