You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.

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Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad? A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!

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Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.

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Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.

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How do you suffocate a nigger? Tell him there's weed inside the pillowcase.

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