Q: How do you know when you are stoned? A: When you are too phoned to stone home.

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Smoke a smoke Not a butt Fuck a virgin Not a slut.

 1946

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Three kids were smoking behind the shed. "My dad can blow smoke through his nose!" boasted the first. "Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy. "That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies."

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Q: How do all stoner stories start? A: This one time when I was high...

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I still don't understand why smoking weed makes you a criminal... When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.

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