Q: How do you know when you are stoned? A: When you are too phoned to stone home.

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Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? A: The cop!

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You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.

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Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

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Three kids were smoking behind the shed. "My dad can blow smoke through his nose!" boasted the first. "Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy. "That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies."

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