Q: How do you know when you are stoned? A: When you are too phoned to stone home.

Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

Q: How do all stoner stories start? A: This one time when I was high...

There are three moms. A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed" They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her. Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"

Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad? A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!