Q: Why do Retirees smile all the time? A: Because they can't hear a word you're saying!

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Q: What do you get when you cross a Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand.

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Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and he really needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled, "Teacher, Teacher, I have to go pee pee!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, you should be old enough to know that this is not the proper word to use?" "The correct word would be urinate." "Now Johnny, would you please use the word urinate in a sentence?" Little Johnny thought for a moment then said:, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger boobs you'd be a ten!"

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A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

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Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

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