It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

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Q: Why is marriage not a word? A: It's a lifelong incarceration!

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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

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Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

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Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.

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