Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems. The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour 'cause my pee barely trickles out." "Heck, that's nothing, " said the eighty year old. "Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a shit, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible". The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I piss like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I shit like a p ... read more

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!

Chuck Norris can listen to 24 hours worth of music and not move a single muscle.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a wristwatch. He always knows when it's time to kick some ass.