Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.

 733

0  

Last year Chuck Norris won the prize for best float at the Carnival in Rio simply by walking in the parade wearing his cowboy hat.

 1081

0  

In 1945 Chuck Norris drank a Redbull and jumped out a plane. For image results, Google the word Hiroshima.

 454

0  

A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off: "I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses." Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job... Lead us not into temptation."

 329

0  

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"

 222

0