A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."

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Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

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Every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, someone dies of Chuck Norris.

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Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, "Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?" "Whada ya win?" "A million dollars!" said the redneck. "You get a dollar a year for a million years." "How much are they each?" "Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!"

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Chuck Norris can listen to 24 hours worth of music and not move a single muscle.

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