Chuck Norris once saw a video that takes 24 hours to watch... He saw it 3 times a day.

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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

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I do two hours of cardio every day. But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.

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Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task? A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...

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Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

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