I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.

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Q: What is foreplay for a Liberal? A: Thirty minutes of begging.

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Chuck Norris tells clocks what time it is.

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Sundials tell the time according to the position of Chuck Norris.

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If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

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