The world ends on December 21st, 2012. Only because that's when Chuck Norris masters the Falco Punch.

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The world won't end in 2012, it will end when Chuck Norris gets bored of it.

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I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning." "What is she doing?", the pal asks. "Waiting for me to get home."

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A guy wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor for a check up. He did the tests and waited. After a while, the doctor came in with the results. "Unfortunately, I have very bad news! You’re seriously ill! You have really not much time to live.." "Doctor..! How much time do I have..?" "Ten..." "Ten what? Months? Years? What?!" "Nine...Eight...Seven..."

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Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad? A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!

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