Two little kids are in hospital beds next to each other. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?” The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.” The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice-cream. It’s a breeze.” “Cool,” says the second kid.” “What are you in here for?” “A circumcision.” “Whoa!” exclaims the second kid. “Good luck, mate. I had that done just after I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year.”

Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."

Kid threw the butter out the window, he wanted to see a butterfly.

"Where did you born?" "At the hospital!" "Don’t tell me! And what were you in for?"

Peter: My mom is having a new baby. Joy: What's wrong with the old one?