A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked. "First I’d have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged. The woman took a deep breath. "He’s very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well…" "Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It’s YOUR child!"

There were 11 people – ten men and one woman – hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return. When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.

A math teacher asks a pupil, what are 3, 5, 7 and 11? The pupil thinks for a moment and then replies, "On 3 there is cartoon network, on 5 we have cartoon network, on 7 dad checks out news-bulletin and the channel that comes by pressing 11 on the remote is FTV, which my brother watches late at night."

At a dancing party a shy boy approached a girl and asked, "Will you dance with me, please?" The arrogant girl says, "I don’t dance with a kid." The taken back boy apologized, "I am sorry, I did not realize you were pregnant."

One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. “Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!” “What are you talking about?” “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t ... read more