He used to be a bottle baby, but when he reached the age of ten he pushed the cork out and escaped.

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What is the hardest part of making shoe fly pie? Putting the shoes on the flies!

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When Chuck Norris was a kid he didn't play with Lincoln Logs, he built real houses.

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Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.

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A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig. She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty. "Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?" "That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."

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