Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?" "A bird," the guy replied. The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here." Police went back to the beach, fou ... read more

They said the baby looked like me. Until they turned him the right way up.

Happy Father's Day to the only person on the planet still willing to employ me.

Q:How does a bear start a race? A: READY, TEDDY, GO!

"Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?" "Because I helped her."  "But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?" "I helped her eat her gummy bears."