The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.

Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can’t see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen… Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that’s a deep hole!" Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side. The pause and listen intently… They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them! They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with it ... read more

On a men's bathroom wall, someone had hastily scrawled, "I slept with your mother." Underneath it, another person had written, "Go home dad, you're drunk."

Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep? A: When the big hand touches the small one.

Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.