Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?" A: "You can't tuna fish."

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp? (A bear-faced lyre!)

The song Santa Claus is Coming To Town was originaly called Chuck Norris is Coming To Town. They changed it so the children wouldn't live in fear.

An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children. The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them. The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess." So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there ... read more