Q: What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water? A: I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed.

An Italian guy is out picking up chicks in Roma. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde. So they’re back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while… He climaxes loudly. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So…. you finish?” After a slight pause. She replies, “No.” Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, and has his way with her again, this time lasting even longer than the first… and this time completing the deed with even louder shouts. Again he rolls over ... read more

I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray. She looked confused and said, "What are these for?" I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."

A young boy caught sight of his mother changing one day, and asked her what that was that she had between her legs. "That is something you're never going to talk about again. And you shouldn't touch it either, because it has teeth." Many years went by, and the boy never touched any girl in between her legs, because he was very scared. One day, however, he met the love of his life and, in time, they got married. On their wedding night, his wife asked him to touch her there. "No," he said, "it's got teeth." "Silly goose!" she said. She spread her legs wide for him to see. "See? No ... read more

Heaven was getting a bit crowded, so Peter began giving quizzes to see who should get in. A man ascended to heaven, and came to the gates “Who was the first man?” asked Peter. “Adam.” “That’s correct. Enter.” Soon another man came along. “Where did Adam and Eve live?” ”Eden.” “That’s correct. Enter.” Then Mother Theresa came along. “Ooh, I’ll have to give you a hard one. What did Eve say when she met Adam for the first time?” “Mmm, that IS a hard one.” “Enter.”