A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out, " I should swallowed you when i had the chance!"

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What did the Left Nut say to the right nut? Don't talk to the guy in the middle he's a d*ck!...

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Q: When is the only time you can smack an ugly woman in the face? A: When her mustache is on fire.

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Three guys die and go to Hell. Satan asks the first guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a candle maker." So, Satan burns off the guy's d**k. Satan asks the second guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" "He was a rope maker." So, Satan rips off the guy's d**k with a rope. Satan asks the third guy, "What was your daddy when you were alive?" The guy smiles and says, "He made lollipops."

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Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

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