A frightened investor goes to his financial planner and asks if he’s at all worried about the volatility of the markets these days. The planner replies that he sure does! In fact, he says that he sleeps like a baby. The frightened investor was amazed! "Really? Even with all the fluctuations?" "Yup! I sleep for a couple of hours, and then I wake up and I cry for a couple of hours."

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Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."

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When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.

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What do you call a baby potato? A small fry.

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Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.

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