What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!

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Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mom.

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How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.

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My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

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Why can't Chinese couples have Caucasian babies? Because two Wongs don't make a white!

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