Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel? I mean, you're 75 years old, how do you honestly feel?'' ''Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just peed myself.''

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What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

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How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor.

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Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.

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When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!". Moral: Hard work is never appreciated, only result matters...

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