Who held the baby octopus to ransom?
Squidnappers.
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The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
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What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way?
He whale-d.
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Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".
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Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"