Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
 1070
0  

When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
 281
0  

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. ''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.'' ''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.''
 420
0  

How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.
 344
0  

Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
 342
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