Do you know why babys cry when they are born? Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it.
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Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
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A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. "But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
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Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village? Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!
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How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.
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