Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper?
A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
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Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people?
Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?"
Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."
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Do you know why babys cry when they are born?
Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it.
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Me: "Here comes the airplane!"
Baby: Opens mouth.
Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
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Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.
