A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I’m afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this rescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’."

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I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

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When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris

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Chuck Norris put his phone on air-plane mode and flew it.

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Yo' Mama is so fat, she has to use a telephone pole as a tampon.

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