When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

Chuck Norris recently got himself an iPad. It turned into iDust when he tried to use it.

A blonde was driving down the motorway when her car phone rang. It was her husband, urgently warning her, “Honey, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!” “It’s not just one car!” said the blonde. “There’s f*ck*ng hundreds of them!”

Yo Mommas so stupid she got lost in a telephone booth.

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one wil ... read more