What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around? Dead Siri-ous.

Your momma so fat when she step on the scales her phone number came up.

I would actually use Siri if the voice sounded like Morgan Freeman.

A blonde is on holiday and she wallks into an internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mum in America. She doesn't know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: "Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?" The guy says "Yeh, but it will cost ya" And the blonde says "Sure i'll do anything for my mum" The guy says: "In that case follow me" So she follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers and says: "Well go on then you said you'd do anything!" So she picks up his dick, hold ... read more

A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."