Me: Siri, why am I alone? Siri: *opens front facing camera*

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Chuck Norris keeps a list of all his victims, it's called the phone book.

 204

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What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese telephone. Wing, Wing, Halo

 276

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The manager of the liquor store gets a phone call at 8 pm. "At what time do you open tomorrow?" asked the caller. "At nine," he answered. The phone rings at midnight "What time do you open ... in the morning?" "At nine". The phone rings at 4 in the morning "Whatt tim do ya openn in the mornin?" "I told you before at nine". "Imm just inn aa hury cause i got locked in tha stor las nite."

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Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure began when Chuck Norris arrived from the future and roundhouse kicked that phone booth into the past.

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