Yo' Mama is like my cell phone plan: 10 cents a minute anytime, anywhere, no restrictions.

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I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

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What do you get if you cross a Kindle with an Apple iPhone 4S? 4Skin.

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Q: How do you make your wife scream while having sex? A: Call her and tell her.

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A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

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