Little Johnny had just returned from his summer break and gone back to school. Three days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. "Hold on," she said. "I had Johnny with me for the entire summer and I never called you once when he misbehaved."
 458
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When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.
 267
0  

Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!
 1022
0  

Yo momma so fat when she stepped on the scale it came up with my phone number.
 155
0  

Chuck Norris can hear his phone ring on silent.
 267
0