A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart. Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple. The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
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Q: How many hipsters can you get into a phone booth? A: One, any more and it would be too mainstream.
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The real reason that Oprah is ending her show on television is that Chuck phoned and said "That's enough!"
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Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!
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When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.
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