Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, she has to make a long distance call to talk to herself.
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What do you call a Scottish iPhone? An AyePhone.
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An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
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Yo momma so fat when she stepped on the scale it came up with my phone number.
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