Do you know why bankers are good lovers? They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.

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Son: "Mom, I love you so much!" Mother: "I don't have any money, try it with your dad."

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There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June. Why? Because that was the end of May!

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Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.

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I told my crush at school, "If you love me, come wearing red tomorrow." The next day she came in wearing black! When she dropped her pen and she bent over to pick it up, I got a look up her skirt at her red thong. Moral of the story: she really loves me underneath it all.

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