Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."

A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."

A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."

Q: How are women and a hurricane alike? A: When they arrive they're both wet and wild, when they leave, they take your house and your car.

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."