A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"

Oh, you play racquetball? You must be extremely athletic.

My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.

Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife? A: Let him keep her!

The whole idea of Jesus dying to pay for our sins is bullshit. Jews don't pay for anything.