Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"

 1128

0  

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."

 1898

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The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?" "Yes, I was. So what?" "Were you sitting on the table?" "Yeah, why?" The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!" "But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders. "Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"

 814

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When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.

 4160

1  

Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A: Beat it. We're closed.

 1525

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