A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."

When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.

He was such an egotist that he joined the navy so the world could see him.

An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."

An airman finds a barber shop near the base and goes inside for a haircut. After getting a nice, short flat-top, the airman asks how much he should pay. "No charge, son" replies the barber, "Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, the barber finds a squadron T-shirt and a thank-you note left by his customer. Later that day, a staff sergeant comes in, asking the barber to take a little bit off the sides. When the haircut was complete and the NCO reaches for his wallet, the barber again says: "No charge, sergeant. ... read more