Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"

 1289

0  

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."

 2150

0  

It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.

 12149

1  

When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.

 4311

1  

Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife? A: Let him keep her!

 27476

7