A pirate walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender walks over to him and says "Hey, I couldn't help but notice when you walked in. Is that a steering wheel hung between your legs?" "Aye!" replied the pirate, "And it's drivin' me nuts!"

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Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."

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Q: What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order? A: "A beer please, and one for the road."

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Black man walked into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder.  The bartender asks, "Where did you get it?"  The parrot says, "Africa…"

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A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He says, "What's your name?" She says, "Carmen." He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?" She says, "No, I named myself." He says, "Why Carmen?" She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?" He says, "Beerfuck."

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