Chuck Norris won a game of chess with checker pieces.

Mortal Kombat is not difficult enough for Chuck Norris, so he got Immortal Kombat.

"Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch them."

Kate was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner. Her husband Paul was in the living room drinking a beer and watching the game. "Honey, you need to come in here and fix the fridge. The door is broke and if you don’t fix it the food will go bad," Kate said. Paul yells back, "Who do I look like the GE man, I Don’t think so." A little while later Kate says, "Honey, you need to fix the hall light, it’s out." "Who do I look like an electrician, I don’t think so," Paul says. A few minutes later Kate says, "Honey, you need to fix the porch step before someone gets hurt on it." Paul quickly rep ... read more

If Chuck Norris was a villian in a video game, you'll never win. But if he was the hero, it's unplayable; because no one controls Chuck Norris.