What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

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My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.

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Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!

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Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’

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I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.

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