Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.

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Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.

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What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.

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A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?” The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.” “What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter. “My ex-wife” replied the hunter.

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What do you call of 6 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor.

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