Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.

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Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one. Break their bones - they have 206.

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I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.

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What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't? Ended a race.

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A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami. The e-mail reads: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.

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