Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."

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How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.

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What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.

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Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? A: Hey y'all... Watch this!

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*Wakes up to wife and son screaming* Me: "What are you guys yelling about?" Them: "You're driving!"

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