Q: What do you call an afghan virgin A: Never bin laid on.

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How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day? You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his ass.

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Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

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Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."

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Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is.

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