A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"

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My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.

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What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ? A Pedophiles ass.

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Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?

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The other day a friend and myself decided to try out an aerobics video because we were both feeling very unfit. We put the tape in and started to copy the movements. After a few minutes we had chopped each other's arms off with chain-saws. It was only then that we realized that I had accidentally put "Psycho Killers III" in the video by mistake! How we laughed!!!!

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