What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool? Throw in your laundry.

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Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner? So they can take bubble baths.

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What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning? Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.

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A guy wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor for a check up. He did the tests and waited. After a while, the doctor came in with the results. "Unfortunately, I have very bad news! You’re seriously ill! You have really not much time to live.." "Doctor..! How much time do I have..?" "Ten..." "Ten what? Months? Years? What?!" "Nine...Eight...Seven..."

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I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.

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