Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."

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Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first? A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!

 397

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How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day? You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his ass.

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Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.

 890

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Q: What do you call an afghan virgin A: Never bin laid on.

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