Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village? Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!

When you were in the gang then, you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough. Someone started talking about fighting -- 'No, man, I've got to go home.'

I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine. I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.

There are four people from different counties on the Empire State Building. One is Japanese, one is French, one is Mexican, and one is American. They all want to throw something off the building that they have a lot of in their country. The Japanese guy goes first. He throws off sushi. There is a lot of sushi in my country. Next is the French guy. He throws off a condom. There is too much love in my country. Next is the Mexican. He throws off a taco. There is too much taco in my country. Next goes the American. He looks around him and picks the Mexican up and throws him of the buildi ... read more