The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."

 439

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Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated? Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

 197

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My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.

 1267

1  

When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.

 362

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Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.

 273

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