Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."

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What's pink and spits? A baby in a frying pan.

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Are you lost, ma'am? Because Heaven's a long way from here.

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What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool? Throw in your laundry.

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Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!

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