A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

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What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding? A baby in a microwave.

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My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.

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Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple? A: The Holocaust.

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Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: Because you can see right through them!

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