My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.

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What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!

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What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other.

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First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?" Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."

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Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"

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