Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
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A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her but he can't. Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help. So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He ... read more
 1221
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How did they know that the driver had dandruff? They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
 169
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Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
 5771
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What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
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