Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"

 192

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Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey. The country there now is only an impostor.

 58

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My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing? Apparently "heating your dinner" wasn't a good answer.

 239

1  

What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!

 758

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A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant. The doctor says, “I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?” The girl thought and then asked, “Doc, if you ate a can of Baked Beans, would you know which bean made you fart?”

 642

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