What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him.

Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion? A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy ambassador at a very expensive restaurant in New York. The ambassador was so enthralled by her beauty that he asked her to marry him. The secretary knew she couldn't insult a foreign dignitary, so she decided to let him down easy. "I'll only marry you under three conditions." "Anything, anything," said the ambassador. "First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72-karat diamond, along with a 28-inch studded matching necklace for our engagement." The ambassador picked up his cell phone, called his personal accou ... read more

Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses the refrigerator for her lunch box.

What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy? A Saddle Light Dish.