Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"

 183

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What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.

 235

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Chuck Norris can turn a vegan into a cannibal.

 162

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Two cannibals just got their hands on a corpse. One says to the other, "I'll start at the head, you start at the feet." They start to eat, and after awhile the one at the head yells to the other one, "Hey, how's it going?" The other replies, "I'm having a ball!" Getting mad, the one at the head yells, "Dammit, slow down, you're eating too fast!"

 221

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Why did the tomato turn red? Because he saw the salad dressing.

 205

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