*Girl is crying* Dad: Why you crying? Girl: My boyfriend dumped me! Dad: (Grabs shot gun) I'll be back.. A while later dad comes back Girl: What the hell! why did you go kill him! Dad: I didn't Girl: Where did you go? Dad: To get you icecream :D Girl: Why the hell did you bring the shot gun?! Dad: So I could get it for free!

 347

1  

Yo mama is so old in her time Burger King was know as Burger Prince.

 309

5  

Wheaties is the breakfast of champions, not for Chuck Norris. He eats Chucky Charms, which contains diamonds, sulfuric acid, and radioactive uranium.

 243

0  

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts. "I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!" "That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."

 1230

0  

Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey. The country there now is only an impostor.

 55

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