A waitress walks up to a man to take his order. "I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead. "Hold the turtle, make it pea!"

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Why did the horses kept saying orange juice? Because a filly gulped to much orange juice that she turned orange!

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Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!

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Yo mama so fat she puts insurance on her food.

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Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.

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