Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain. One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip, and put it over her cigarette. The other lady said, 'Hey, that's a good idea. What's that called?' The lady responded, 'It's a condom.' The other lady said, 'Where can you get one of those?' She said, 'Oh, just about any grocery of drug store.' So, the next day, the lady went to a local drug store, went up to the cashier, and said, 'I need to get some condoms.' The cashier looked at her puzzled (because of her age) and said, 'UH, what size?' The lady respon ... read more

A boxer is whining to the doctor that he can’t sleep. I won’t give you any drugs, you don’t need any. Use the classical method, the one with counting the sheep’s. I tried. But, every time I get to 9 I jump off the bed.

Have you heard about the new "Mint flavored birth control pill" for women that they take immediately before sex? They're called "Predickamints".

Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong. He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS! When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.

Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!