Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
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How to give a cat a pill. 1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process. 3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger ... read more
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Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?" Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine." Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this." Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
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Charlie Sheen is a drug, it will melt your face and kill you. Chuck Norris had two 8-Balls of Sheen and is now suing for false advertising.
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Have you heard about the new "Mint flavored birth control pill" for women that they take immediately before sex? They're called "Predickamints".
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