Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President.

I'm trying to write a joke about overdosing on cocaine. But I need a line to end it.

Charlie Sheen can achieve recovery by taking a drug called Chuck Norris.

Q: Why is there cotton in medicine bottles? A: To remind the black people they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers.

The phone rings at Federal Drug Enforcement Agency headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency?" "Yes. What can we do for you?" "I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding cocaine in his firewood." "Thank you, this will be noted." Next day, the Drug Enforcement agents come over to Tom’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no cocaine, swear at Tom and leave. The phone rings at Tom’s house. "Hey, Tom! Did the Federal Drug Enforcement guys come by?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood for y ... read more