Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.

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I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ... 20 years old and mixed up with coke !

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Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President.

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Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

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There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”

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