Q: What are the three rings of marriage? A: The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.

"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."

Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married. "Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back." Six months pass and Peter returns. "Yes, we can do this for you." The couple asks, "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?" To which St. Peter answers, "It took me six months to find a priest up here how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?"

How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be obamaself."

I used to hate weddings, all the old ladies would prod me and say "you'll be next!" They soon stopped that, when I started saying it to them at funerals !