I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

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Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.

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Going to war without the French is like going hunting without your accordion.

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What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns? A bull pull.

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R. Lee Ermey's war face is the face he made when he saw Chuck Norris ready to attack.

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