"If women ruled the world," said my wife, "there'd be no wars."  "That's true," I replied. "Wars require strategy and logic."

 341

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Chuk Norris was only twice angry, and those times are known as WWI and WWII.

 406

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A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."

 1275

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Teacher: "In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?" Pupil: "Holding up the telegraph lines!"

 603

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What's funner then nailing bin Laden to a tree? Feeding his lifeless corpse into a meat grinder.

 602

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