Before Chuck Norris can register as a soldier, all wars suddenly end.

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Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.

 580

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Going to war without the French is like going hunting without your accordion.

 819

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I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

 467

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Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945. World War 2 ended Sept. 2 1945. What a coincidence.

 535

2