Before Chuck Norris can register as a soldier, all wars suddenly end.

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Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school? A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.

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Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945. World War 2 ended Sept. 2 1945. What a coincidence.

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A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."

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The war with Japan would have ended sooner, but the allies decided that dropping Chuck Norris on Hiroshima would be a crime against humanity.

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