Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945. World War 2 ended Sept. 2 1945. What a coincidence.

How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed.

Teacher: "In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?" Pupil: "Holding up the telegraph lines!"

They were three men discussing how to make their wives to tell them if they cheated on them. The first guy says: "I go home after work at night, lie on the couch, turn on the television and ask: 'Woman you cheated on me today!' 'Who, me my husband? Could I ever do such a thing?' Pissed off as I am, I get up, put her down, punch her and in the end she can’t take it anymore and admits: 'I cheated on you with Nick…'" The secong guy says: "I do exactly the same thing. I punch her and finally she says: 'I cheated on you with Jake…'" The third guy says: "I have no problem at all. I go home, und ... read more

An accountant is walking along the beach (also, not the joke) and he finds an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it and of course, a genie appears. The genie says "I am the most powerful genie that has ever lived. I can do great and wonderful things and I can grant you your dearest wish. But only one." Well, this accountant is a deeply caring individual. He pulls out a map of the Mediterranean area and says, "My dearest wish is that you solve the Arab-Israeli conflict in the Middle East." The genie strokes his beard and looks worried. "Oh dear, " he says , staring at the map. "That's a ... read more