Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.

Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."

Q: What's the difference between death and taxes? A: Congress doesn't meet every year to make death worse.

A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front. Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks. "I had to serve or I'd have run over those and blown my tyres!" protested the driver. "Ok", replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in." "What for?" retorted the man. "Tacks evasion", answered the policeman.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.