What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."

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Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? A. They both live off dead Beatles.

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What are cows favorite party games? MOO-sical chairs.

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What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other.

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How do you know a man is really a bad dancer? When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.

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