I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?" I said "Because he didn't die in real life"

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When Chuck Norris crosses the pacific, swimming, sharks hear the "Jaws" music.

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Chuck Norris can keep up with the Kardashians.

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The Perfect Man At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want,get a TV!"

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Chuck Norris can listen to 24 hours worth of music and not move a single muscle.

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