One Sunday afternoon an older couple was listening to a holy station on the radio. They were about 98 years old and so frail, they couldn't walk to church. The preacher said, ''If you put one hand on the radio and one hand on whatever you want healed I will heal it for you.'' So the old woman put one hand on the radio and one hand on her heart. The old man tried to not let the old woman see but he put one hand on the radio and one hand on his penis. The old woman looked over and said, ''He said he could heal, not raise the dead!''

Q: What did the Nickelback fan say to the other Nickelback fan when they ran out of weed? A: Man, this music sucks.

Chuck Norris once went to Stevie Wonders concerts and smiled at him; Stevie Wonder is now blind.

Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminems for 50 Cents. Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?

What did the black epileptic have written on his t-shirt? "Help I'm not break dancing"