Q: Why do accountants make good lovers? A: They're great with figures.

‘I recently sold the rights of my love life to Parker brothers, they’re going to turn it into a game.’ Woody Allen

What´s the difference between a goodyear and a fucking good year? 365 condoms.

One day God came down and said to three guys that the less you cheat on your wives the better the cars you'll get in heaven. So the first guy went to heaven after cheating on his wife 67 times and he got a Mercedes. The second guy went to heaven and had cheated on his wife 2 times and he got a Ferrari, then the third guy went to heaven and said that he had never cheated on his wife and he got a Bentley. Then one day the third guy was all sad and depressed and the first and second guys asked him what was wrong and the third guy said, "I saw my wife the other day" and the first guy said "y ... read more

What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!