Chuck Norris helps little old ladies cross the street... Bad guys get kicked to the curb!

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Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.

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An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

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Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson

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A young girl with a bag is crossing the customs. Customs officers check her bag and find some kind of powder. They ask the girl: "What kind of powder is that?" "Heroin" "But heroin is matte-white, and this powder is orange." "This is a kids' heroine – orange taste."

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