On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.

Yo mama is so old she was electrocuted with steam.

Yo mama so old her drivers license in hieroglyphics.

Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.