An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."

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It's 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?

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A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

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Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.

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Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.

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