Q: What is the definition of "accountant"? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

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Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.

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It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.

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Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.

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A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint. "Give me all your money", he says. The muggee isindignant. "You can't do this," he yells. "I'm anIRS agent." "In that case," says the mugger, "give me all MY money."

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