Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? A: The accountant knows he's boring.

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Q: And the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion? A: Jail.

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A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."

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An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."

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What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.

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