What do you call Satan and a lawyer? Twins!

The father with his daughter are taking a walk to a public place of their town; "Ann! Why are you so nervously looking around?" observes the father. "How else can I find you a really good son in law, dad?"

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?

George had responded to a call from his attorney, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked. "Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." "That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news." "The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

What’s the difference between a shame and a pity? If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity. If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.