A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. “Here lies an honest man and a lawyer,” responded the lawyer. “Sorry, but I can’t do that,” replied the stonecutter. “In this state, it’s against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put `here lies an honest lawyer’.” “But that won’t let people know who it is!” protested the lawyer. “Sure it will,” retorted the stonecutter. “People will read it and exclaim, “That’s impossible!”

Q: And do you have a locker in that room? A: Yes sir, I do.

How are a lawyer and a prostitute different? The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.

To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice. To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney.

If a lawyer and a tax official were both drowning and you could only save one of them, what would you do; go to lunch or read the paper?