What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.

 167

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Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors. Bad News: There were three empty seats.

 324

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A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."

 701

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A reporter outside of a courtroom asked a defendant clad only in a barrel: “Oh, I see your attorney lost the case!” The defendant answered, “No, we won.”

 204

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From tomorrow you are free! The lawyer informs his client. Yes, I’m so happy, I have nothing to say, grumbled the prisoner. I torment myself for 5 years to make a rope ladder, 3 years to rasp the cage bars and you come now with the amnesty ordinance, exactly now when I wanted to break free...

 193

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