Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
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What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito? A mosquito drops off you when you die!
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Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A: The lawyer charges more.
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How are a lawyer and a prostitute different? The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
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A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
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