A defendant was on trial for murder in Philadelphia. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawy ... read more

How are a lawyer and a prostitute different? The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before a crime, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after a crime, we call him a defence lawyer.

"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?" "Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."

Q:How can you tell the difference between an attorney lying dead in the road and a coyote lying dead in the road? A:With the coyote, you usually see skid marks.