What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys? Rhesus Pieces.

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Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.

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Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose. Ortoise: How does he smell? Gemma: Awful!

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Q. How do rednecks have safe sex? A. They mark the sheep that kick!

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Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.

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