What do you give a deer with an upset stomach? Elkaseltzer.

Where do milk shakes come from? Nervous cows.

A Football team was on the field during practice, when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout. "Are you crazy," hollered the coach, "we don’t give tryouts to turkeys." Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch. "That was amazing," exclaimed the coach. "I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?" "Don’t worry about money," said the turkey, "let me just ask you something, does the season go past thanksgiving?"

Yo' Mama is like a donkey: everybody rides the ass.

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.