A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth. Question: What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth? Answer: A full bus of old men.

George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt. This parrot was a very nasty parrot. It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer. The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped. George thought to himself, “On no! I froze my aunt’s bird to death.” He opened the door and saw the bird alive! The bird said, “I’m sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again. George said, “Why the change?” The bird answered, “Because I saw what you did to the other bird."

Why did the rabbit run out of the fast-food restaurant? He thought he heard someone order a quarter pounder on a toasted bunny.

"Does your dog bite?" "No." (Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him) "Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" "That is not my dog."

Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is dog. The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.