What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
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A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked. The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" The lady confirmed, "Yes." "Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."
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What's red and green and goes at 100mph? A frog in a blender.
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What happens when sharks take their clothes off? They go sharkers.
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How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts.
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