Q: Why does a squirrle swim on its back? A: To keep its nuts dry

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What goes black white black white...? A penguin rolling down a hill! What's black and white and laughing? The penguin who pushed him!

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A man goes into a pub with a cat sitting on his head. The barman pulls him a pint and says,‘Look I don’t know if you know it but there’s a cat sitting on your head.’ ‘What of it?’ asks the man.‘I always wear a cat on my head on a Monday.’ ‘But today’s Tuesday,’ replies the barman. ‘Oh God.Is it?’ says the man. ‘I must look a right prat.’

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What do you call fish poop? BassTurds!

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Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

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