Why do cows think cooks are mean? They whip cream!
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You can lead a horse to water, but Chuck Norris can make it drink.
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A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home. But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness." The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you." The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"
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Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
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What does a cow ride when his car is broken? A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
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