Religion is a lot more like politics. The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.

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Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face. Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea. Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish." Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"

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Did you hear about the aristocratic horse? He was the last of his race!

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Q: What's the difference between Jesus Christ and a painting of Jesus Christ? A: It only takes one nail to hang a painting.

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The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day. Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.

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