Santa Claus goes to the mall to sit on Chuck Norris' lap.

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Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E? A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"

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If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.

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Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!

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Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears. Confused, his father asks what's wrong. "Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in."

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