If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
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Q: Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
A: Because he had low "elf" esteem!
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My dad was a complicated man.
He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know?
Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
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The song Santa Claus is Coming To Town was originaly called Chuck Norris is Coming To Town.
They changed it so the children wouldn't live in fear.
