This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad.
He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
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Santa rides in a sleigh.
What do elves ride in?
Mini vans!
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My dad was a complicated man.
He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know?
Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
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Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
