Q: Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? A: Because he had low "elf" esteem!

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Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

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What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement? I don't know. A reindeer. What about the cement? I just threw that in to make it hard.

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Santa writes to Chuck Norris about what he wants for Christmas.

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If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.

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