The judge: Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association? The inculpated: Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?

Three highly decorated police officers die in a wild shoot out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven. God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I was the bravest cop on the force." The second police officer says, "I would like to hear that I was a terrific cop who died in the line of duty." The last cop replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!"

You have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough university credits to graduate. So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and the biggest challenge - of your young lives: moving back in with your parents.

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother. "Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills." "I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her." "I've got you both beat," said the third. "I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to." A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons. "Gerald - the house you bought was too big. I only live i ... read more

Son: "Mom, I love you so much!" Mother: "I don't have any money, try it with your dad."