My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.

 417

0  

Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.

 421

0  

Q: What do two rednecks say after breaking up? A: Lets just be cousins.

 1378

2  

Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24! What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family." "What do you call it?" "We call it a football wedding." The first asks, "What's a football wedding?" The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"

 753

0  

You have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough university credits to graduate. So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and the biggest challenge - of your young lives: moving back in with your parents.

 1144

0