It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations" He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back an ... read more

Yo mamma is so fat, when she went on a cruise, a walrus jumped aboard and started singing 'we are family'.

Son: "Mom, I love you so much!" Mother: "I don't have any money, try it with your dad."

What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"

The judge: Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association? The inculpated: Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?