Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first? A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!
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A guy walks into a bar and announces that he can close his eyes and name what kind of alcohol he is drinking and how old it is, just by taste and smell. A drunken guy at the bar says, "I bet I can give you a drink that you can't name." "You're on," replies the guy, "as long as you pay." So the drunken guy puts a drink on the table. The guy sips it, gags and spits it out. "This tastes like piss!" "Yeah," says the drunken guy, "now guess how old I am."
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Q: Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him? A: He came home shit faced.
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Q: What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that's long and hard? A: A new last name.
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Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common? A: They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.
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