How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's? The guys' schlongs have sideburns!
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What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.
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Q: How do you recycle a condom? A: Turn it inside out and shake the f**k out of it.
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Q: What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common? A: After a night of visiting children, they both have empty sacks.
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A man farts in bed next to his wife. His wife asks, "What in the world was that?" He replies, "Touchdown. I'm winning, seven nothing." She decides to get even, so she lets one loose. He yells at her, "What was that?" She replies, "Touchdown, tie score." He wants to get her back, but he tries so hard he sh*ts in bed. The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?" He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."
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