What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth.
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Q: What's red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets smaller and smaller? A: A vain idiot combing his hair with a potato peeler.
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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends how hard you throw them.
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What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ? Cancer.
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Three old men were sitting on a porch. "I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one. "I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another. "I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."
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