Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.

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What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield? It's ass.

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This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

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Q: What's the difference between apple pie and pussy? A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.

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Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.

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