What is the sharpest thing in the world? A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave a hole.
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Q: What does an old woman have that a young woman doesn't? A: A belly button between her boobs.
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A guy walks into a bar and announces that he can close his eyes and name what kind of alcohol he is drinking and how old it is, just by taste and smell. A drunken guy at the bar says, "I bet I can give you a drink that you can't name." "You're on," replies the guy, "as long as you pay." So the drunken guy puts a drink on the table. The guy sips it, gags and spits it out. "This tastes like piss!" "Yeah," says the drunken guy, "now guess how old I am."
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Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Para-olympics? A: Having two legs.
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Why are contipated folks unkind and rude? Cause they don't give a crap!
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