I've accepted every email offer I've ever received. My penis is now 235 feet long.

 282

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Q: Why does a dog lick himself? A: He can't make a fist.

 180

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What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.

 854

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

 688

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What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies? One live one in the middle is eating its way out.

 230

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