Q: Why did the gay man get fired from his job at the sperm bank? A: Drinking on the job.

Q: Why are men like diapers? A: They are always on your ass and full of sh*t, and thankfully, they're disposable.

A young priest is unhappy with how little money his congregation contributes every week to the collection plate. So decides to try a new tack and hypnotize them, using Father Matthews' priceless pocket watch. Thus hypnotized, they all give the five bucks he asked them too. Pumped by his success, he ups the amount to $10 the next week. Amazingly, everybody gives ten bucks each. The week after that, he decides to up it to twenty bucks, but just as he's about to announce the amount, he drops the watch. "S**t!" It took the workers two weeks to clean up the church.

How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party? When the cake jumps out of the girl!

What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother? Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.