Why does the witch not wear panties when flying? Because she wants to get a better grip on the broom.

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Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

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Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other? A: Together, we can stop this sh*t.

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This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

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Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."

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