What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother? Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.

 194

0  

Do you know what would be sick? If you sat in Santa's lap and you felt him get a boner. Do you know what would be even worse? If he stood up and you were still sitting in his lap.

 203

0  

Q: What's brown and taps on the window? A: A baby in a microwave!

 365

0  

A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"

 641

0  

Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart. So everybody takes a big whiff.

 222

0