Do you know what would be sick? If you sat in Santa's lap and you felt him get a boner. Do you know what would be even worse? If he stood up and you were still sitting in his lap.

A man goes into a psychiatric hospital to visit one of his buddies. As he is walking out he notices a guy pretending to be swinging a hockey stick. Curious, he asks: "What are you doing?" The guy replies: "I'm Wayne Gretzky, and I'm practicing my shot." Satisfied with the answer the visitor moves on down the hall. He notices another guy pretending to be playing golf. Curious, he asks: "What are you doing?" The guy replies: "I'm Tiger woods and I'm practicing my golf." Satisfied with this response the visitor again moves on down the hall. He then sees another guy sitting in a ... read more

Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church? A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.

Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet? A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.

What's the difference between a leprechaun and gonorrhea? One's a cunning runt.