There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water.
The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood.
The vampire pulled out a bloody tampon and said "TEA TIME!"
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Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?
A: It runs in your genes.
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What’s harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy.
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Why are contipated folks unkind and rude?
Cause they don't give a crap!
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What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan?
Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.