Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

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What’s sicker than driving over a baby? Skidding.

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A guy walks into a bar and announces that he can close his eyes and name what kind of alcohol he is drinking and how old it is, just by taste and smell. A drunken guy at the bar says, "I bet I can give you a drink that you can't name." "You're on," replies the guy, "as long as you pay." So the drunken guy puts a drink on the table. The guy sips it, gags and spits it out. "This tastes like piss!" "Yeah," says the drunken guy, "now guess how old I am."

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Why should you only put 239 beans in bean soup? Cuz one more will make it "too farty!"

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Q: What compliment do you NOT want from a midget? A: Wow! Your hair smells good!

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