How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's? The guys' schlongs have sideburns!

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Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.

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Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads? So you can pick them up five at a time

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Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar? A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.

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Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."

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