A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?" "No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?" John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license." Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and stoned." Brian from the back seat said, "I told you gu ... read more

Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get ... read more

10. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren. 9. He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested. 8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar. 7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot. 6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop". 5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat. 4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers. 3. The perpetrators beg hi ... read more