What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.

A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving. A cop sees him and pulls him over. The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?" The man says, "I slowed down." The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him. "Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?"

The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk. The first one out the door at 2:00 o'clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car. Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes. Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot. Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away. Immediately, the police car was behin ... read more

A blonde, a brunet and a red head were running from the cops when they came upon three empty sacks laying in front of a closed store. "Let's hide in these and the cops won't find us!" said the red head, and they each dove into the sacks. The brunet hid in one that said CAT. The red head hid in one that said DOG, and the blonde hid in one that said POTATOS. When the cops came by, they saw the bags and said: "Maybe they're in these sacks. Kick one of them." to the other. The other cop kicked the bag the brunet was in that said CAT and she said: "Meow!". So the cop kicked the second b ... read more

Two clones are on a roof. One clone pushes the other clone off. The next day the police arrest him for making an obscene clone fall.