Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?" Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.   After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Happy Valentine's Day.

Q: What do two rednecks say after breaking up? A: Lets just be cousins.

The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.

My girlfriend is like February 30th, she doesn't exist.