I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.

 445

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Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.

 492

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The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.

 516

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“A happy marriage is nothing but a give and take relationship; the husband gives and the wife takes.”

 451

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Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?

 421

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