Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."

 1471

1  

(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"

 935

2  

I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits. Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.

 800

3  

Bro, send me some good jokes. Sorry, now I'm busy with my Girlfriend. Good One! Send me more.

 4155

1  

So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.

 1244

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