Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

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A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend. He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death. His wife: "Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."

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Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.

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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

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Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)

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