(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"

 1076

2  

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

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0  

"What shall we play today?" said Florence to her best friend Jenny. "Let's play schools," said Jenny. "OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to be absent."

 825

1  

When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.

 4469

1  

When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.

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0