When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.

 1504

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Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.

 1414

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When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.

 4303

1  

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

 2146

0  

When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?" But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"

 1568

3