I kind a feel sorry for Hitler. Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

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Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."

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Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. He was high on my list of priorities.

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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

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When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.

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