Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.

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Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. He was high on my list of priorities.

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Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."

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Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)

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When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.

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