*How girls become friends* Omg I love your shoes! *How guys become friends* Excuse me sir, I see you fuck bitches, I myself, also fuck bitches.

 574

0  

When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.

 4150

1  

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

 1763

1  

I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits. Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.

 718

3  

My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

 1540

1