When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.

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Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. He was high on my list of priorities.

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Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)

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Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.

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I kind a feel sorry for Hitler. Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

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