(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"

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So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.

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Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. He was high on my list of priorities.

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When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.

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1  

*How girls become friends* Omg I love your shoes! *How guys become friends* Excuse me sir, I see you fuck bitches, I myself, also fuck bitches.

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