(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"

 948

2  

Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.

 1430

0  

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

 2172

0  

When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?" But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"

 1586

3  

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

 1927

1