Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.

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What is the best type of ship? FRIENDSHIP!

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When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.

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When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.

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(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"

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